Losing and gaining

Thinking about life

Life is weird. I know that anybody reading is aware of this, so what’s the point that I’m going to make you might (or might not) be wondering? LIFE IS WEIRD.

It’s the roundabout lessons and the sayings that get to me if I’m being honest. You’ve heard the whole thing about needing to lose something in order to gain/learn (not too sure how it goes but it’s along those lines). It sounds stupid and I hate it, the reason that I hate it is because it’s true and it’s not stupid. When we feel like we’ve got everything that we want/need then we start getting complacent with various things and it becomes easier to put tasks back which isn’t good for you. I say this because I recently experienced this.

A few months back, my laptop stopped working and I came on this blog to talk about some nonsense on what I had learned about the drugs, the duality of man, why the sky is blue and some other stuff (don’t look for such posts). Eventually I got my laptop back and the sensibility returned to my blog but the thing is that I got so lazy, probably because I was happy to have the laptop back. The weirdest part is that I kept telling myself how much work I was going to get done when I got the damn thing back. Life has decided in its weird way to help me out because guess whose laptop broke again?

Me being artsy
This guy!

This time around I will get a new one instead of blogging about missing it.

Let me not stray too far from the point. The laptop isn’t the only experience that I’ve had with this, but it gets to me that every time I lose something that I want/need, something sparks in my head and tells me what I need to do in order to move forward and as a result I’m more productive for it. Life might be meant to be the way that we want it to be but it’s definitely something that we’ve got to wrestle with and pin down before we get to that point. Why is life like this? Who knows?

You never know what to expect on any given day, I feel that it’s practically impossible to prepare. I’d like to think that with most things life takes away from you, there’s a solid justification that you’ll eventually find. I can’t speak for everybody on this but if something is taken away then it means that life is taking you on a course which will see you gain more than you expected because its twists and turns have their own solutions that you’ll need to figure out.

I still wish that life didn’t have to be so weird about it though.


I’ve always wondered what it is about people who front. I’m not going to act like people can’t put on facades because we’ve all done it at some point, but there usually comes a time where we become comfortable with ourselves and we can say things about ourselves knowing that we might be judged and it’s ok because we know that it’s a part of life. In all honesty, I’m very confused about people who try hard to promote an image that clearly isn’t them because I have a hard time seeing what people gain from it.

When I was in university, I remember overhearing a conversation between a friend of mine and somebody else, the other person said with such confidence that he doesn’t believe in relationships even though he was in one (and clearly in love with the woman as well). Over the course of my time at university, there were a lot of things that this person said which didn’t add up and it made me wonder why it was so hard for him to be real with himself. In my opinion, there’s a set distance on which you can go with a front before people around you start to figure out that something’s up and it’s even worse when it becomes obvious to those around you that you’re not keeping it real.

It’s probably been this way for a long time but thanks to social media, it’s very clear to see. The pictures that people put up on Instagram of expensive hotels that they stay in on holiday with captions which make it seem as if it’s a normal occurrence for them even though (I’d like to think) most are aware that a lot of money was saved up to get that one week holiday, tweets of people talking about being on a grind or wanting to do positive things even though it’s for show, videos of people doing generous things that they might not do without a camera and all of that jazz.

I assume that people front mostly because they want everybody who’s around them to think highly of them and of course it’s very hard to criticise somebody who’s great. The thing is that it brings about another question, doesn’t maintaining the front get hard? When you present yourself in a certain way then naturally people expect certain things of you, some that you might not even be able to deliver but can’t back out of because it’s part of your character; as I said before, there comes a point where people realise that things don’t add up and that opens you up to more of the criticism that you were trying to protect yourself from.

People are always going to have an opinion no matter what you do so there’s not much point in trying to force an image just to get others to think of you highly. Everybody is held accountable for something negative because it’s just how life is and it’s a lot easier to be yourself who might not be thought of highly by everyone than someone else who is trying to seem too good to be true. At the end of the day, we’re with ourselves all the time, we know the real us and that’s the person who’s staying until we die.

These are just my thoughts though. Everyone only gets one life so they’re free to do whatever the hell they feel like doing.

Living with kind of hatred…


Ever been in a situation where look around and you realise that you just have so much kind of hatred for everything around you? I’ve been going through this and in a weird way I’m grateful because it’s slowly teaching me what is for me and what isn’t. If I’m completely honest, it’s almost as if the kind of hatred has naturally taken over; I never felt it creeping up or anything, just one day I went to work and looked at my surroundings only to realise that I don’t care for it at all. Maybe don’t care isn’t the right way to explain it because I’m a little bothered and that’s because I’m bored.

I feel like the opposite of Future because I have to put a (metaphorical) mask on. The weirdest thing in all of this is that what I’m talking about may seem really negative but I promise it’s not. I just like the feelings and the situations that give us time to reflect on what’s happening around us because I feel that in those moments we can think of a 1000 things that we’d rather be doing and at least one of those 1000 things is something that we can do and go after.

I wouldn’t exactly wish for anybody to be in a situation where they’re bored or unhappy but I do feel like those feelings in a working environment are a type of pressure. When you realise that you don’t want to be in the situation that you’re in, there’s always a choice which is either to crumble under the self inflicted pressure and let life take you wherever it pleases, or not to crumble under it and find something else to give yourself more of a purpose. It’s a shame things are like that (or I could just be rationalising things wrong) because people aren’t inclined to care about your feelings or your situation given that they’ve got their own battles to fight.

When I’m in this kind of mood, it makes me realise why people really appreciate drinking after work and weekends. It’s a well deserved rest, not just from the pressures of work but from yourself in a way.

Deep Jeffrey is back!

One thing that I haven’t out and out stated is that when it comes down to it, you’ll realise that there’s always more to be achieved. It’s great to sit down and reflect on where you are but no matter what you’ve achieved, you’re capable of doing more and I reckon that having negative feelings might be a way of telling yourself that you need to try. It makes wonder how I’d feel if I looked at the situation that I’m and I felt as if everything was ok.

Personal thoughts on controversy


Whenever I’m on Twitter and I see people getting into an uproar over something really controversial, sometimes I wonder about it. I used to be that guy who would get angry at that stuff but I’d also stay interested and keep tabs on it because I secretly enjoyed it, like a lot of people (I assume) I’m a hypocrite. As time has moved on, I’ve come to terms with controversial shit and for the most part I have to admit that I like it.

I feel like we all enjoy a little bit of controversy, after all it does make life a little more interesting and it gives us tales to tell to others if it’s not already the subject of conversation. Not all controversial people/events/viewpoints are to be enjoyed, some of them cause anger and it’s completely justified. If I’m honest when I look at stuff that causes a lot of arguments especially with regards to social media, I literally sit back (with my metaphorical popcorn) and watch everything unfold. It brings a lot questions to mind with some of my main ones being: what was going through this person’s head? And why do people care so much, knowing that in a few days they’ll be over it looking for some new controversy to absorb?

Controversy has an immediate impact, it’s just the way that it is. I think it’s a good thing, sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it gives me ideas for blog posts or it sometimes just gives me something to digest for a couple of hours. With social media having its take on things, you can see all kind of viewpoints and it can and will breed new controversies. I think this is part of why I enjoy it, because I’ll always have some kind of entertainment from it and when I don’t, it can help me to have some really deep thoughts.

Think of some really controversial people that you know/have heard of, how do you feel about them? When they come up, do you have something to say?

Would I say that controversy is necessary? No, absolutely not, it’s like ice cream or fast food, it tastes good, it’s not really good for you but you enjoy it whilst some people don’t because they’re super healthy and want to avoid it completely, in the same way that some people try to steer away from that stuff. To be honest, that kind of stuff is mostly (if not fully) destructive, but then again as humans, one thing I’ve noticed is that we can’t help but pay attention to things that are negative.

I don’t think that there’s a deeper meaning to controversy, however I’d be wrong in saying that it can’t be used to the advantage of people. Kanye West and Donald Trump are two examples that come to mind, maybe when I figure out the secret, you might see me with some coverage (or not).

Most important life lesson

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned during life? Everybody knows that life is about learning as well as other things and in a way, I feel like what we learn is understated. If there’s one thing that I’ve seen, it’s that people love to give out life advice, especially on social media (which is weird because I’m willing to bet my whole bank account that a fair number of people aren’t really qualified to be giving out lessons). I’ve said more than a few times on this blog that I have a lot to learn, as well as not being the person that I feel I could be which is why I can’t answer the question that I’m asking; at the same time, I want to know what anybody reading this would say is their most important life lesson (I reckon it could be something that impacts me as well).

Part of me feels that I should know that there can’t be one most important lesson, given the amount of life changing experiences that we go through on a yearly basis. We’re always picking up valuable information and what might seem important today won’t be so profoundly important tomorrow. If I’m honest, I have a lot of thoughts and questions that stem from this one question but that’s not the point. Let me know what you think is the most important lesson you’ve learnt or generally your thoughts on the subject.

A few words

Just a very short post but it’s been in my head for a while. I want to wish anybody reading this success in any area of life that you feel it’s needed. On certain days I just stare blankly into space because I’m not allowed to do much else and I constantly find myself asking if this is what I want for my life. I’m grateful for the position that I’m in now but I don’t believe that it’s enough and I know that there are many who feel the same way. It might not be much but if my words help then I’m happy.

Acting Black…

Having seen the ‘cash me ousside girl’ become famous for disrespecting her mum on live television and the reaction to it, I’ve slowly become more annoyed because there are some people who keep saying that she’s famous for ‘acting Black.’ This annoys me a lot, especially considering that I’m Black and I can tell you that in Black households children are not brought up to disrespect their parents, let alone do it publicly.

Just like any other race, respect is huge amongst Black people. You’ll see that children raised in African households usually tend to refer to their elders as uncle and auntie as a sign of respect, given that as a child it’s disrespectful to address an adult by their first name and this carries on into adulthood. I’ve noticed that there’s a conception that all Black people seem to carry an attitude (especially women) or are threatening in some kind of way and I don’t know where it comes from. The truth is that whatever negativity is feared in Black people should be feared in all other races as well because we’re not the only ones capable of harm.

What does ‘acting Black’ even mean? How do you act a race? Not all Black people are the same, we may share the same range of tones that form our skin colour but there are so many different cultures and traditions when it comes to Black people. There’s no way that people can’t notice this, people can’t be that ignorant. For some reason trash like behaviour is equated with being Black and I don’t know if it’s because of television but if it is then you need to realise that it’s DRAMATISED. Think about some of the prejudices that there are towards Black people and the Black people that you know, can you honestly tell me that they act in a way that justifies them?

I think what’s worse is that I’ve never seen people talk about acting White, acting Hispanic or acting Asian so why is this exception made for Black people. I’m sure that every race has their problems and their own battles that they fight every day, but I won’t act as if there isn’t a special negative emphasis placed on those who are Black. For every Black person who has managed to make a successful business, become a journalist, a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher or anything else positive, did they just stop ‘acting Black?’ It seriously confuses me how being sensible is seen as a quality that Black people can’t possess, that when people become rappers and talk about spending stupid amounts of money and having sex with infinite women, or when people are loud annoying that is what’s expected of us.

The ‘cash me ousside girl’ might be influenced by shows like Love and Hip-Hop whatever edition and Real housewives of wherever but those are actors who do what they have to (which includes acting like a stereotype), to get people to watch their shows (which are shit by the way). I know that people wouldn’t use the Kardashian’s or teenagers like Dylan Roof as the basis for judging White people because that shit would be unfair and extremely offensive and it should be the same for Black people.

Money, money, money


There’s something that’s bothered me for a little while, money. Money is great and I’m sure I’ve wrote blog posts about how I want to earn a lot of it but it still bothers me. I can’t put my finger on it but if I had to give the closest answer, I’d say that it’s the portrayal. Have you ever had a conversation with someone or seen someone who’s made it clear that their redeeming feature is the amount of money that they’ve got?

So what? Someone makes a lot of money and they brag about it, where do we go from there? Losing money is just as much of a reality as making it so if somebody loses money does that mean that their value goes down? Chances are that what a person does to make money is much more of a redeeming feature than the amount that’s been made. If I’m being honest, the moment that you’re making money, it becomes something that you can mention no matter how much you make, making more of it doesn’t make one person better than another.

The whole thing of people saying things like ‘yeah but I make X amount of money’ or ‘I make more money than you’ makes me cringe. When I see videos of rappers playing with their money or showing it off, it looks fucking corny and it makes me wonder if that’s all that they’ve got. Money is an important part of life because it’s practically impossible to live without it but it’s a big problem if you’re letting it define you. People who get bigheaded over the amount of money they have are in the same league as those who boast about the size of their package, the amount of sex they’ve had and other pathetic things like that.

My reaction to boasters


I’ve never been one for dick measuring contests, which is probably why I don’t take to it when people brag about their possessions or just brag in general. Money isn’t going to follow you when you die, it doesn’t stop people from thinking about you in a certain way (if their view of you suddenly becomes positive then it’s because they’re extremely fake), it just allows you to afford more shit; that can’t be the best that people have to offer can it? It makes me wonder what these people think of themselves on a personal level if their defence mechanism is their money.

Everybody is different, there’s possibly something involved in talking about the amount of money that you have that could be appealing which I don’t see because I’m broke as a bitch. I feel that money shouldn’t be the end result to be honest, once you’re making money there’s a lot that you can do with it that’s actually useful but bragging isn’t one of those things. I guess this is a part of life, it’s not a part of life that makes much sense to me but then again a lot of things in life don’t make much sense to me.

Kind of music feels

I don’t know if I’d say that this song gives me feels but I had to post it. Whenever I talk about this song, my brother is the only person in the world that remembers it exists but everybody else looks at me like I’m on crack. The song I’m talking about is ‘Glory Days’ by Just Jack (see what I did there?), I don’t know why this song is so obscure, maybe it isn’t and I’m around the wrong people which is something that I’m willing to consider.

Sometimes this song comes into my head and I feel that it’s easy on the ears so enjoy.