Thoughts on worrying…

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One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I spend a lot of time worrying to myself about loads of things when it comes to my future. So many times the same questions come up, things like where am I going to be? What will I be doing? Who will be around me? It’s normal to be worried about something that you care about since we don’t know the answer to these questions. I’ve heard so many times that worrying isn’t a good thing because it’s not going to get you anywhere which is true. Life goes in whatever direction that it feels like and we don’t get a say in it which pretty much gives us fuel to worry about things because we may be making moves but we don’t know if they’re the right move and there’s never a way to find out (saying right can bring about more questions since that’s subjective as well). I’m someone who likes to feel as if I’m in control of things which is why I may never stop worrying.

I’m not really sure if worrying is all bad; I know that it can be terrible but at the same time it can be utilised positively. A couple of weeks ago I watched a video of somebody who had no idea of what he was going to do with his life, he was worried about what to do because the future that he saw for himself was taken away from him. Eventually he decided to have a go at re-voicing characters from his favourite series just for the fun of it and it ended up working out well for him. I feel like we should worry at times for our own sakes, there were a couple of times where I guess I was worry free because the situation allowed for it but I got too comfortable and it led to me having some regrets. If worries can lead to action being taken, then it may be for the best. I’ve learned time and time again that if you want something done then take action. I don’t think that there’s a problem with being motivated to do better out of fear because sometimes having positive beliefs about where you’re going and pushing your worries to the back of your head can wear and if I’m being honest, it’s not like life is all roses. BAD SHIT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU AT SOME POINT BECAUSE IT LOVES TO DO SO!

This doesn’t mean that I’m fully trying to fully advocate worrying because I don’t want to see blood pressures being raised or find out that someone read this post and ended up having a nervous breakdown, I’m just saying that it’s not a bad thing to care about something. Worrying is a blessing and curse in a way.

I can see why not worrying has its benefits, but I think it’s the small things that will really show why. My worry free days didn’t always lead to regrets, in fact a couple of years ago I heard through the grapevine that I had a reckless attitude and as the rumour would have it, I went to party uninvited, didn’t say happy birthday, helped myself to a piece of cake and gracefully exited (does writing gracefully make it less of a dick move?) was I worried about what happened next? No. Should I have been? That can be debated at another time. At the time I wrote this post, I was at work wearing the wrong uniform (which I promised I would change a few days earlier), was I worried that I straight up lied and will continue to wear the wrong uniform in the future? No! Like I said, the little things shouldn’t worry you.

Me being artsy
Would this guy really steal cake?

Not to get too far from the point of the post, I know that worrying isn’t healthy but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be used to your advantage. I guess it’s really a perspective thing.

Thoughts on Black Lagoon: Roberta’s Blood Trail

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(Possible spoilers)

After watching Black Lagoon, I had to watch Roberta’s Blood Trail and to be honest I should have watched it a lot sooner. I wrote some thoughts on Black Lagoon and the second barrage earlier in the year if you want to check that out as well. The OVA is aptly named to be honest and it follows the lagoon company, mostly Rock and Revy as they help Garcia Lovelace and his maid Fabiola Iglesias search for Roberta when she goes missing after the death of his dad. There’s more to the story than the goose chase as it brings the political nature of Roanapur into the light as well as Rock’s descent into the lifestyle of the city.

The first thing that stuck out to me was how much more story based these episodes were than the previous set of episodes. There was the occasional story arc however they didn’t last very long, not that you’d expect them to, given how many episodes were in each season; I reckon it could have gotten away with being a character of the day type show if it really came down to it. I felt like I craved some character development because Black Lagoon has an interesting cast of characters and Roberta was without doubt one of those characters. I’d be lying if I said that the OVA didn’t deliver on that front because I got to see the side of Roberta that she at all costs didn’t want to reveal to Garcia and I also got to see a different side to Rock. I feel like I should have seen the direction that Rock was going in but I didn’t which made it better.

This group of episodes might have been based on Roberta but I found that I was more interested in Rock’s story and his mindset. I feel like he had a less active role in the OVA as opposed to the series yet the focus never really stopped being on him; he gambled the lives of everybody on what came across as a game of chess (I’m still trying to figure out if it was an ego thing or not. He’s also starting to sound more like Light Yagami every time I read this) and you could see the lack of regard that he had for everybody since he seemed to be desperate to win. Yukio Washimine’s words about Rock really held some weight in this arc, at the start of it I thought that Rock was being the moral compass, especially because he seemed apprehensive when it came to helping as he knew that it wouldn’t end well but that really wasn’t the case. Rock really proved that he’s the guy that stays in the twilight zone between being normal and completely messed up and I thought that there might even be a case to argue that Rock enjoys the lifestyle.

I had no problem with the dark direction of the OVA, I felt like Black Lagoon and the second barrage were dark but it kind of creeped around the fact that it was dark if that makes sense. Since this wasn’t Rock actively comparing the morals of Roanapur to his own, it looked as if there was more leeway to show how dark the series could get. In all honesty I felt that the way these episodes were presented made everything better; I feel like I said that in Black Lagoon it was clear that everybody had skeletons in their closet and if those secrets were going to be explored then it only made sense that the series would go down a darker path. I will say that there were some moments that honestly made me scratch my head, I really didn’t expect to see some things and I tried to ask myself if they held any significance which I’m struggling to figure out; namely when Garcia kissed Roberta and when Garcia watched Roberta dry hump a soldier.

Even though five episodes were dedicated to this story, I still feel like I didn’t see enough episodes (or at least they could have made the episodes an hour). One thing that I’ve accepted about Black Lagoon is that it leaves me wanting more, luckily it’s coming back from hiatus so I’m looking forward to seeing the anime come back eventually and seeing the direction that Rock and Revy’s relationship goes after what Fabiola said.

Other thoughts:

  • A couple of the rebellious types I see on social media would like Roberta
  • When the series comes back I want to see more of a story involving Benny and Dutch
  • I wish they didn’t remix the opening theme song

Music feels again

Can you believe that sometimes I think of ways to start off my blog posts so that when people read them, they think “WOW! How did Jeffrey come up with this one?” unfortunately life doesn’t go that way so pretty much every time that I write a post, I ramble (some maybe/hopefully insightful things) for a little bit which makes up the word count but never really gets to the point. I’m doing the same thing now but if you’ve read through this then this post might just be doing its job.

This time around, I’m going to say it straight! I’m feeling myself for this song choice (I’m not feeling myself a bit too much, otherwise I might as well just top myself off… I’ve met people like that and they suck), if I can get you to understand why I’m feeling myself for this song choice then it might seem a bit reasonable but at the very least, you know. The song that’s responsible for all of this is ‘Deep Fried Frenz’ by MF DOOM and this song just makes me feel like a fucking genius; maybe not like a genius but it does make me feel smart in the sense of understanding lyrics.

MF DOOM talks about crappy friends in all of their shit stained glory on this song, which admittedly I don’t feel like I can relate to because every terrible person I’ve met has been ret-conned out of existence. I can always appreciate a DOOM song because one, they sound good and two, he’s what some might call a rapper’s rapper; if you listen to any of his songs it’s easy to understand this because he’s arguably one of the most lyrically gifted rappers out there. I still haven’t really explained why I feel smart listening to a MF DOOM song which I probably should have by now but anyway, the reason I feel this way is because his lyrics aren’t very easy to understand and honestly when it comes to understanding lyrics, most of the time I’m a fucking idiot. Going back, it doesn’t really make much sense that I said DOOM is very lyrically gifted if I’m not good at understanding lyrics but you know what? I’m feeling good writing this so I’m not allowed to make sense.

Personally I feel that if you take in loads of MF DOOM songs and fully understand what he’s saying then you’ve definitely got a higher understanding of lyrics and it probably makes more appealing to the purists out there.

Like WOW!

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Thinking face

The other day, I was at the museum with a friend of mine and I only realised something that I think I should have realised a while ago. How quickly the world around us is changing and how we’re effortlessly adapting to it. I looked at what you could consider to be the history section and I saw things like a PlayStation 3, iPhone 3 (this really got to me because I have an iPhone 4… I know) and other things that I thought were fairly modern. That got me thinking back to a conversation I had with my brother a few years back where he told me that we’re at a point where things can be released and considered obsolete within a year or two.

I don’t know if this has been going on for ages or if it’s a more recent thing but it’s a scary thing to take in considering that we’re affected by it but because of how incremental the change is it just seems completely normal. I’d understand if I saw something like an old car there because they’ve come a hell of a long way in 200 years or so but a PS3 which is only 11 years old… Man that is crazy!

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Me looking at the PS3

Like I said before, this is something that I should have noticed earlier and phones are the best example of this. The Nokia 3310 was released in 2000 and the first iPhone was released in 2007. It only took 7 seven years to go from having a phone with no internet capability to practically having a laptop that fits in our pockets, think about that. When looking at that, then it becomes easier to think about all of the other things that have made a crazy amount of progress.

I’ve got to admit that after I managed to stop being wowed it made me realise how much I take this stuff for granted. Technology is going to continue to get better, this is inevitable and where it is now is amazing especially considering that you can pretty much talk to anyone in the world on your phone. I don’t know what’s going to happen next and what’s going to completely disappear but I do know that whatever piece of technology disappears, most likely won’t be missed and whatever replaces it probably won’t even last that long as we continue to consume things. One thing that really got me is that at one point, it’s going to have to be explained to the future generations. I honestly can’t imagine telling my future children about the PS3 only to hear that it’s primitive (wireless controllers, internet connection, playing blu-rays… ALL OF THAT PRIMITIVE!? REALLY?)

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New technology to old technology

I can’t say that noticing this is going to make me a better person and consider how amazing the technology around me is. If I’m honest with you, I have a PS4 that I don’t play, a PS3 that’s on standby in case I want to play it even though I won’t play it and a damn iPhone that I’ve been plotting on getting rid of for ages. I will say this; it’s really interesting to take in what we use because it gives us some perspective of how quickly things are advancing.

Quick question time!

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Question time

Another question for anyone reading (I could get used to just making this a blog which asks loads of questions). If you had a problem with somebody, would you expect your friends not to have any contact with the person you don’t like due to association?

It happens sometimes, we all have or have had people that we don’t like who our friends happen to be fond of but for some people that’s a red flag. A lot of people are quick to cut others off and having a friend of yours be friends with somebody that you don’t like can be reason for that sometimes. Personally I don’t believe in all of that, I don’t have the ability to choose the people that my friends like and I do think it’s petty to an extent. What I’d hope is that if a friend of mine was friends with somebody that I didn’t like, I wouldn’t come up as the topic of conversation because there’s really no need to say anything about me in that kind of situation.

Once again I’ll ask. If you had a problem with somebody, would you expect your friends not to have any contact with the person you don’t like due to association?

Quick question time!

I have a question for anyone reading. I think it’s been a while since I last asked a question on here and if it hasn’t then let’s just act like it has.

If somebody disrespected you online, would you leave it or would you keep tabs on them until you found their location to punish them for the disrespect?

A lot of people, if not all people hate being disrespected and with good reason. It shows that you’re viewed as someone lesser in the moment, I’m not saying that people have to think highly of you but imagine what they must think of you to be comfortable enough with showing disrespect. Some people who have been disrespected on social media have gone as far to find out where their target lives whilst others have taken different paths.

Personally I don’t know what I’d do in this situation but I don’t think I’d ever condemn someone for showing another person that they’re not to be messed with (as long as it doesn’t go too far).

I like seeing progress

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High five of progress

When it comes to people and the progress that they make, I enjoy seeing it. Watching somebody on the come up and seeing them achieve the things that they want to is one of the best things that life has to offer in my opinion. I find that in pretty much all cases I don’t personally know the people who I see gain notoriety but it doesn’t take away from the feeling at all. It serves as a reminder that it’s possible to do these things because at one point, they had little before getting into a great position and they had to work hard whilst having all the struggles that you’d expect of anyone who’s trying to achieve a goal (unless you’re Donald Trump who had a small loan of $1,000,000).

It’s almost a vicarious living thing for me. I like to imagine myself in a situation where I’ve gotten to the place that I want to be; it helps when some of the people I see doing well are local because it sets off the thought that there isn’t a limit (something that I have to remind myself of at times). If I haven’t said it before on this blog then I’ll say it now, everybody deserves success in whatever area of life that they’re looking, except the people in life that I dislike (they deserve success but I’ll be indifferent to it).

I think whenever somebody does well in one area, it can be considered a win for everybody involved e.g Krept & Konan and Stormzy. They’re musicians from South London who in recent years have elevated the UK music scene and been recognised for the hard work that they put in and I see as a win for UK rap and grime music, South London and everybody who are fans of the culture.

Personally I don’t plan to continue watching people achieve what they want without doing something myself and hopefully it’s the same for everyone reading this.

A few words

Losing and gaining

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Thinking about life

Life is weird. I know that anybody reading is aware of this, so what’s the point that I’m going to make you might (or might not) be wondering? LIFE IS WEIRD.

It’s the roundabout lessons and the sayings that get to me if I’m being honest. You’ve heard the whole thing about needing to lose something in order to gain/learn (not too sure how it goes but it’s along those lines). It sounds stupid and I hate it, the reason that I hate it is because it’s true and it’s not stupid. When we feel like we’ve got everything that we want/need then we start getting complacent with various things and it becomes easier to put tasks back which isn’t good for you. I say this because I recently experienced this.

A few months back, my laptop stopped working and I came on this blog to talk about some nonsense on what I had learned about the drugs, the duality of man, why the sky is blue and some other stuff (don’t look for such posts). Eventually I got my laptop back and the sensibility returned to my blog but the thing is that I got so lazy, probably because I was happy to have the laptop back. The weirdest part is that I kept telling myself how much work I was going to get done when I got the damn thing back. Life has decided in its weird way to help me out because guess whose laptop broke again?

Me being artsy
This guy!

This time around I will get a new one instead of blogging about missing it.

Let me not stray too far from the point. The laptop isn’t the only experience that I’ve had with this, but it gets to me that every time I lose something that I want/need, something sparks in my head and tells me what I need to do in order to move forward and as a result I’m more productive for it. Life might be meant to be the way that we want it to be but it’s definitely something that we’ve got to wrestle with and pin down before we get to that point. Why is life like this? Who knows?

You never know what to expect on any given day, I feel that it’s practically impossible to prepare. I’d like to think that with most things life takes away from you, there’s a solid justification that you’ll eventually find. I can’t speak for everybody on this but if something is taken away then it means that life is taking you on a course which will see you gain more than you expected because its twists and turns have their own solutions that you’ll need to figure out.

I still wish that life didn’t have to be so weird about it though.

Fronting…

I’ve always wondered what it is about people who front. I’m not going to act like people can’t put on facades because we’ve all done it at some point, but there usually comes a time where we become comfortable with ourselves and we can say things about ourselves knowing that we might be judged and it’s ok because we know that it’s a part of life. In all honesty, I’m very confused about people who try hard to promote an image that clearly isn’t them because I have a hard time seeing what people gain from it.

When I was in university, I remember overhearing a conversation between a friend of mine and somebody else, the other person said with such confidence that he doesn’t believe in relationships even though he was in one (and clearly in love with the woman as well). Over the course of my time at university, there were a lot of things that this person said which didn’t add up and it made me wonder why it was so hard for him to be real with himself. In my opinion, there’s a set distance on which you can go with a front before people around you start to figure out that something’s up and it’s even worse when it becomes obvious to those around you that you’re not keeping it real.

It’s probably been this way for a long time but thanks to social media, it’s very clear to see. The pictures that people put up on Instagram of expensive hotels that they stay in on holiday with captions which make it seem as if it’s a normal occurrence for them even though (I’d like to think) most are aware that a lot of money was saved up to get that one week holiday, tweets of people talking about being on a grind or wanting to do positive things even though it’s for show, videos of people doing generous things that they might not do without a camera and all of that jazz.

I assume that people front mostly because they want everybody who’s around them to think highly of them and of course it’s very hard to criticise somebody who’s great. The thing is that it brings about another question, doesn’t maintaining the front get hard? When you present yourself in a certain way then naturally people expect certain things of you, some that you might not even be able to deliver but can’t back out of because it’s part of your character; as I said before, there comes a point where people realise that things don’t add up and that opens you up to more of the criticism that you were trying to protect yourself from.

People are always going to have an opinion no matter what you do so there’s not much point in trying to force an image just to get others to think of you highly. Everybody is held accountable for something negative because it’s just how life is and it’s a lot easier to be yourself who might not be thought of highly by everyone than someone else who is trying to seem too good to be true. At the end of the day, we’re with ourselves all the time, we know the real us and that’s the person who’s staying until we die.

These are just my thoughts though. Everyone only gets one life so they’re free to do whatever the hell they feel like doing.