Winning…

diddy
Winner

Personally, I just want to win in life, in fact I’m sure that everybody wants to win in life. I’m not going to go into what winning means for everybody because it’s subjective and I don’t have the answers. For me, winning means being where you want to be in life and constantly adding more W’s to your name but the thing is that it’s not easy to get to such a point. There are a lot of obstacles in life that will have so many effects on you, for me I have a job that I’m not particularly fond of and my money disappears quickly because of random commitments and I don’t even have it the worst out of all the people that I know. There are also random daily events that will lead to things unfolding that you never expected to see. One thing I’ll say is this, despite all of the shit that life throws at you, there can always be something to motivate you and help you continue on your way to winning.

I ask a lot of questions on this blog about achieving what you want from life or sometimes I just talk about it and it’s because I see a lot of people who are living proof of the things I want to see. One example that I’m going to give to you is Diddy, this guy is a living legend in my opinion. He got to be around The Notorious B.I.G, a musical great and that doesn’t even scratch the surface for me. The truth is that he just makes winning look easy, probably because he just doesn’t give a fuck. Diddy is a guy who definitely enjoys his money and lifestyle and when he isn’t… Actually lets be honest, he’s probably always enjoying his money and lifestyle which is why I’m aware that he’s always winning. Don’t believe me? Tell me who else in this world goes to a party in a car and leaves in a yacht (A FUCKING YACHT!) and who else in this world stops sex so that they can call their personal chef to serve them snacks. Diddy is a guy who clearly makes sure that he gets the most out of life.

I said earlier in this post that winning isn’t easy which I think is true, it’s probably one of the most frustrating things to do but I feel that we can agree that it’s very worth it. Everybody has the ability to channel their inner winner and disturb the sleep of a chef so that you can eat when you get hungry during sexy time. As hard as things will get, I think that there’s no reason to stop going after something when you know you want it.

In hindsight

giphy
Me contemplating life (when I have my facial hair)

Not everything is for everyone and I’m happy that I’m learning this, it would have been better if I learned this earlier in life but at the end of the day, life is just a huge learning experience. The other day, I was thinking about a job that I didn’t get and it should have been depressing but it really wasn’t. In hindsight, I’m happy that I got rejected by the company and I’m seriously writing this.

If I had been employed by said company, I’d be working more hours, making more money, possibly having a better sleep pattern and one warning away from being fired. The reason that I believe the last part of that sentence is because the company is based in an area which is only served by one train that runs twice an hour (because fuck a metro train system), not to mention this train frequently gets cancelled. In other words, my employers would get really pissed with me despite doing my best to be on time because employers have no souls (and nobody is telling me otherwise).

Life is so shit when things don’t go your way, especially if you feel that you’ve worked hard enough for a break and I’m sure everybody reading knows this. I’ve had so many times where I’ve felt disappointed in myself for not doing what I felt should have been piloting my own life because things didn’t pan out the way that I wanted. The thing is, whatever happens, happens for a reason and it can work to your benefit. Cheesy lessons like letting go of things and looking forward whilst enjoying yourself are some of the wisest things that can be spread and they’ve definitely been some of the best things I’ve heard in my life. The amount of value that words like these hold can’t ever be underestimated.

trre
Me when I used to hear things like ‘Let it go’

Hindsight can be really helpful (probably not as helpful as foresight) for your mind. It makes it clear that things will make their way to you in due time (not like destiny because I don’t believe in that).

Hustling…

239238939

I feel like I understand people who hustle more than I did before. I’m not too sure why but I feel like I just do and when I mean hustle, I’m not talking about the dictionary definition, I’m talking about those who think of ways to get ahead. You’ve got to hustle to get to where you want to be in life, that’s probably part of why it’s so fucking hard to progress at times (or at least in the case of what you want to do with yourself). When I think about it, I feel like people who have a hustle show ambition and the earlier you do it from the better.

During my first year in secondary school, there was someone who decided make a little bit of business for himself. He decided to innocently sell some chocolates for a good price (and the bars were pretty big), he managed to make a decent amount of sales and I’ll admit, he managed to get a sale out of me. In the end, it turned out that he didn’t get too far with his business because the chocolate was expired (I should have checked the date but I didn’t and it tasted good). To be honest, I was there when he got figured out and I’ve never seen somebody disappear so quickly in my life.

giphy
When he got caught out

The guy had some questionable morals for making money off expired chocolate bars (but I have to respect an eleven year-old for being so crafty) but he somehow knew that he wouldn’t be caught out immediately, or he was just feeling brave. I don’t really know far you have to go in order to get what you want but clearly you’ve got to be willing to take a risk (even if it’s other people’s health) and it seems like those who are willing to risk more gain more because I know for a FACT that the person selling the expired chocolate didn’t give any refunds.

Obviously, I don’t respect every hustle, some things aren’t explainable like dealing arms and things on that level. If it’s something relatively harmless then I’m all for it because for me it shows the willingness to take risks and get something that you didn’t have before. Until a few days ago, this wasn’t in my head but I thought back to that situation and asked myself why I didn’t think of that.

Sometimes relax

whatever
Me at work… A lot

If I haven’t said it before on this blog then I’ll say it now, I love work! The gloriousness of spending my most productive hours travelling and working, watching the day go by as I wonder what I could be doing with my time if I had the day off, telling myself that not all people who hurl abuse are shit humans and all of that jazz. You know what I mean? If not then you might know what I mean when I say that work can be rewarding when you go above and beyond the cause. This is something that I can legitimately appreciate…

good-night-sleep-time
What I could be doing during those hours

I know I’ve said that I’m lazy somewhere on this blog, really lazy, really, really lazy (depending on what’s at stake) but with that being said I really do appreciate hard work, without hard work it’s unlikely that you’re going to achieve much. I feel like people have to be mindful of what they’re investing their energy into because rewards differ based on the situation, I also feel that relaxing doesn’t get enough credit. One thing I’ve learned from working is that you’ve got to be in the best frame of mind if you’re going to have any chance of taking the day on and to do that rest is needed. I know that not every working situation is ideal and so not everybody is afforded the time that they deserve to relax (if you earn minimum wage living in London then you might have to embrace your inner Oliver Twist and beg for more work unfortunately). For me I feel that if you’re constantly working yourself, you may make money and gain compliments along the way but you’re killing yourself to do it.

I don’t think this would be my line of thinking after being in my job for a while but there’s a man who I used to work with, he told me that he’s been working since his early teens and at one point he was working five jobs. The kind of conversations that I used to have with this guy made it clear to me that the working lifestyle is what he knows and what he’s used to. He’s actually a very hard worker and he’s the type of guy who’ll happily spend 16 of his 24 hours working if he has to, basically he’s somebody that any company would find to be extremely reliable if they had a sticky situation. He admitted to me that he practically lost his back to work, which I have to admit is very obvious and he also admitted that he doesn’t get as much time to himself which has worn on him (luckily, he got a better job). I’ll admit that I tried to take on more shifts once upon a time, I worked from 6am – 10pm over the course of a couple of days and I told myself that I was a fucking champion when I took those shifts. The thing is that it didn’t take long to realise that strong headaches and lack of sleep aren’t a good combo.

fuck-you-random-32876583-496-313
My body when I took the extra shifts

So much time is spent working, I’m pretty sure that the retirement age for my generation is 71 so that’s an indication of how much more work the people around my age are going to have to do. If we lose or quit a job we have no choice but to find another one, money is a great perk but it shifts between going and coming. Time is more valuable and everybody has to look out for theirs, I’m not saying fuck work and I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do your best when possible but there’s no denying that people put themselves second when they don’t always have to.

Since being in my job, I’ve met a decent amount of people who look as if they’re always refreshed even though they’ve been working from before I turned 10 and I’ve also met workers who look as if they’ve had enough of everything from when they step into work. There’s a difference between the way that these set of people are when I interact with them and I don’t think I need to say which group takes it easy.

Obviously, people can live life however they want, this is just my perspective. I know that I’m getting this one chance to live and I don’t want to sacrifice my wellbeing for shit. (You might think that I’m just ridiculously lazy reading this and I need to man up and if you do, I can’t on sight you so you can have this instead).

Pressures…

depressed_strok132
Under pressure

There are a lot of pressures in life but is it me or are some of these pressures unnecessary? The amount of things that are expected from people doesn’t always make sense to me if I’m being honest. I’ve said before that I feel life is meant to go the way that we want it as long as we put in the work that’s required but with that being said, what I feel is in no way correct (it might not make sense to some). These pressures that we’re meant to come out on top of can really ‘defeat’ us; we all know that not everybody finds a partner, some of those who find partners get married and find that there’s no love, not everybody gets their dream job and not everybody lives into their elderly years having friends.

I’ve always felt that these expectations are silently placed on us and it becomes easy to feel like failures for not achieving these things, even though the possibility of not achieving these expectations is very real. Do I feel that this is fair? That’s something that I feel you know the answer to and now I think about it, it’s not really relevant to the point.

What I want to know is how you deal with the pressures that I mentioned before? I know that thinking about these things for a long time can be trying which ultimately leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Do you reckon that these things even matter as much as they’re made out to? What pressures do you feel are unnecessary? Let me know.

Thoughts on worrying…

depressed_strok132

One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I spend a lot of time worrying to myself about loads of things when it comes to my future. So many times the same questions come up, things like where am I going to be? What will I be doing? Who will be around me? It’s normal to be worried about something that you care about since we don’t know the answer to these questions. I’ve heard so many times that worrying isn’t a good thing because it’s not going to get you anywhere which is true. Life goes in whatever direction that it feels like and we don’t get a say in it which pretty much gives us fuel to worry about things because we may be making moves but we don’t know if they’re the right move and there’s never a way to find out (saying right can bring about more questions since that’s subjective as well). I’m someone who likes to feel as if I’m in control of things which is why I may never stop worrying.

I’m not really sure if worrying is all bad; I know that it can be terrible but at the same time it can be utilised positively. A couple of weeks ago I watched a video of somebody who had no idea of what he was going to do with his life, he was worried about what to do because the future that he saw for himself was taken away from him. Eventually he decided to have a go at re-voicing characters from his favourite series just for the fun of it and it ended up working out well for him. I feel like we should worry at times for our own sakes, there were a couple of times where I guess I was worry free because the situation allowed for it but I got too comfortable and it led to me having some regrets. If worries can lead to action being taken, then it may be for the best. I’ve learned time and time again that if you want something done then take action. I don’t think that there’s a problem with being motivated to do better out of fear because sometimes having positive beliefs about where you’re going and pushing your worries to the back of your head can wear and if I’m being honest, it’s not like life is all roses. BAD SHIT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU AT SOME POINT BECAUSE IT LOVES TO DO SO!

This doesn’t mean that I’m fully trying to fully advocate worrying because I don’t want to see blood pressures being raised or find out that someone read this post and ended up having a nervous breakdown, I’m just saying that it’s not a bad thing to care about something. Worrying is a blessing and curse in a way.

I can see why not worrying has its benefits, but I think it’s the small things that will really show why. My worry free days didn’t always lead to regrets, in fact a couple of years ago I heard through the grapevine that I had a reckless attitude and as the rumour would have it, I went to party uninvited, didn’t say happy birthday, helped myself to a piece of cake and gracefully exited (does writing gracefully make it less of a dick move?) was I worried about what happened next? No. Should I have been? That can be debated at another time. At the time I wrote this post, I was at work wearing the wrong uniform (which I promised I would change a few days earlier), was I worried that I straight up lied and will continue to wear the wrong uniform in the future? No! Like I said, the little things shouldn’t worry you.

Me being artsy
Would this guy really steal cake?

Not to get too far from the point of the post, I know that worrying isn’t healthy but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be used to your advantage. I guess it’s really a perspective thing.

Losing and gaining

giphy
Thinking about life

Life is weird. I know that anybody reading is aware of this, so what’s the point that I’m going to make you might (or might not) be wondering? LIFE IS WEIRD.

It’s the roundabout lessons and the sayings that get to me if I’m being honest. You’ve heard the whole thing about needing to lose something in order to gain/learn (not too sure how it goes but it’s along those lines). It sounds stupid and I hate it, the reason that I hate it is because it’s true and it’s not stupid. When we feel like we’ve got everything that we want/need then we start getting complacent with various things and it becomes easier to put tasks back which isn’t good for you. I say this because I recently experienced this.

A few months back, my laptop stopped working and I came on this blog to talk about some nonsense on what I had learned about the drugs, the duality of man, why the sky is blue and some other stuff (don’t look for such posts). Eventually I got my laptop back and the sensibility returned to my blog but the thing is that I got so lazy, probably because I was happy to have the laptop back. The weirdest part is that I kept telling myself how much work I was going to get done when I got the damn thing back. Life has decided in its weird way to help me out because guess whose laptop broke again?

Me being artsy
This guy!

This time around I will get a new one instead of blogging about missing it.

Let me not stray too far from the point. The laptop isn’t the only experience that I’ve had with this, but it gets to me that every time I lose something that I want/need, something sparks in my head and tells me what I need to do in order to move forward and as a result I’m more productive for it. Life might be meant to be the way that we want it to be but it’s definitely something that we’ve got to wrestle with and pin down before we get to that point. Why is life like this? Who knows?

You never know what to expect on any given day, I feel that it’s practically impossible to prepare. I’d like to think that with most things life takes away from you, there’s a solid justification that you’ll eventually find. I can’t speak for everybody on this but if something is taken away then it means that life is taking you on a course which will see you gain more than you expected because its twists and turns have their own solutions that you’ll need to figure out.

I still wish that life didn’t have to be so weird about it though.

Fronting…

I’ve always wondered what it is about people who front. I’m not going to act like people can’t put on facades because we’ve all done it at some point, but there usually comes a time where we become comfortable with ourselves and we can say things about ourselves knowing that we might be judged and it’s ok because we know that it’s a part of life. In all honesty, I’m very confused about people who try hard to promote an image that clearly isn’t them because I have a hard time seeing what people gain from it.

When I was in university, I remember overhearing a conversation between a friend of mine and somebody else, the other person said with such confidence that he doesn’t believe in relationships even though he was in one (and clearly in love with the woman as well). Over the course of my time at university, there were a lot of things that this person said which didn’t add up and it made me wonder why it was so hard for him to be real with himself. In my opinion, there’s a set distance on which you can go with a front before people around you start to figure out that something’s up and it’s even worse when it becomes obvious to those around you that you’re not keeping it real.

It’s probably been this way for a long time but thanks to social media, it’s very clear to see. The pictures that people put up on Instagram of expensive hotels that they stay in on holiday with captions which make it seem as if it’s a normal occurrence for them even though (I’d like to think) most are aware that a lot of money was saved up to get that one week holiday, tweets of people talking about being on a grind or wanting to do positive things even though it’s for show, videos of people doing generous things that they might not do without a camera and all of that jazz.

I assume that people front mostly because they want everybody who’s around them to think highly of them and of course it’s very hard to criticise somebody who’s great. The thing is that it brings about another question, doesn’t maintaining the front get hard? When you present yourself in a certain way then naturally people expect certain things of you, some that you might not even be able to deliver but can’t back out of because it’s part of your character; as I said before, there comes a point where people realise that things don’t add up and that opens you up to more of the criticism that you were trying to protect yourself from.

People are always going to have an opinion no matter what you do so there’s not much point in trying to force an image just to get others to think of you highly. Everybody is held accountable for something negative because it’s just how life is and it’s a lot easier to be yourself who might not be thought of highly by everyone than someone else who is trying to seem too good to be true. At the end of the day, we’re with ourselves all the time, we know the real us and that’s the person who’s staying until we die.

These are just my thoughts though. Everyone only gets one life so they’re free to do whatever the hell they feel like doing.

Living with kind of hatred…

depressed_strok132

Ever been in a situation where look around and you realise that you just have so much kind of hatred for everything around you? I’ve been going through this and in a weird way I’m grateful because it’s slowly teaching me what is for me and what isn’t. If I’m completely honest, it’s almost as if the kind of hatred has naturally taken over; I never felt it creeping up or anything, just one day I went to work and looked at my surroundings only to realise that I don’t care for it at all. Maybe don’t care isn’t the right way to explain it because I’m a little bothered and that’s because I’m bored.

I feel like the opposite of Future because I have to put a (metaphorical) mask on. The weirdest thing in all of this is that what I’m talking about may seem really negative but I promise it’s not. I just like the feelings and the situations that give us time to reflect on what’s happening around us because I feel that in those moments we can think of a 1000 things that we’d rather be doing and at least one of those 1000 things is something that we can do and go after.

I wouldn’t exactly wish for anybody to be in a situation where they’re bored or unhappy but I do feel like those feelings in a working environment are a type of pressure. When you realise that you don’t want to be in the situation that you’re in, there’s always a choice which is either to crumble under the self inflicted pressure and let life take you wherever it pleases, or not to crumble under it and find something else to give yourself more of a purpose. It’s a shame things are like that (or I could just be rationalising things wrong) because people aren’t inclined to care about your feelings or your situation given that they’ve got their own battles to fight.

When I’m in this kind of mood, it makes me realise why people really appreciate drinking after work and weekends. It’s a well deserved rest, not just from the pressures of work but from yourself in a way.

trre
Deep Jeffrey is back!

One thing that I haven’t out and out stated is that when it comes down to it, you’ll realise that there’s always more to be achieved. It’s great to sit down and reflect on where you are but no matter what you’ve achieved, you’re capable of doing more and I reckon that having negative feelings might be a way of telling yourself that you need to try. It makes wonder how I’d feel if I looked at the situation that I’m and I felt as if everything was ok.