Some thoughts on body positivity

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I’ve noticed a trend in recent years where people have started becoming more “body positive” and are supposedly less afraid to post pictures of themselves online. This mostly applies to fat people who in this day and age have the confidence to skin out and embrace everything about their bodies instead of wearing larger tops to hide how big they are. That seems like a good thing to me because growing up, fat people used to be on the end of jokes just for being fat, even chubby people could catch those jokes and it built character but it was demoralising at the same time. It’s not as if people don’t want to cuss fat people anymore, it’s more that people are scared because of the online backlash that comes with it, political correctness protects a lot of groups and fat people are one of those groups. Given that people are afraid to offend, I have a few thoughts on this body positivity stuff I want to share.

The idea of cussing fat people for being fat has never truly made sense to me (if I’m being honest, some of the stuff said is very creative and funny) but I guess that it sucks because it’s not what many would consider to be the ideal body on a man or woman. I don’t think that’s changed at all despite the times that we’re in. The real difference is that people can now speak up on it without feeling like they’re not being backed up however, that won’t stop people from feeling what they feel towards fatness if the thoughts are negative. People have always joked on the features of others, whether it’s height, acne, hairstyle or anything else, it’s just what people do; sometimes, I feel these aren’t things we should look into too much because it never really leads anywhere productive and on top of that, it says a lot about someone who goes at another person’s appearance just to make them feel bad.

The whole body positivity thing is nice but I have to ask if the pictures are being posted out of true confidence or because people know that with pc culture in place, they’re very likely to get nice comments. Sometimes I look at people hashtagging body positivity and the caption that they put shows me that they’re after retweets and validation rather than proving a point. The captions always go something like “I’m so confident in my body now #bodypositivity” or “I weigh this much and I don’t care #bodypositivity.” It’s nice to show confidence in your body but I feel the purpose is defeated if you claim you don’t care what others feel or your confidence is undying only for you to attach a hashtag which will protect your feelings. Honestly, if anything I feel that the caption wouldn’t have any relation to the person’s weight or confidence if they were really trying to display confidence.

One last thing I see about the body positive movement is how dangerous it can be. Supporting people and trying to show them that their insecurities don’t matter is great but there are levels to this shit. The thing about pc culture is that if you say something that’s true but could be even slightly offensive then you’re painted as the villain and it doesn’t make sense. There are people who are dangerously overweight that like to post body positivity photos however, if someone points it out then they start getting cussed by people who are trying too hard to be politically correct and it leads nowhere. Some people are happy with their weight and that’s fine but if someone’s health is at risk then the body positivity movement needs to be ignored, if we’re thinking about things with logic then I’m sure everyone can agree that being healthy is more important than being told you’re “slaying.” Encouraging someone to stay a certain weight won’t help when said person runs into weight related health issues and it starts making life difficult for them.

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Marriage proposals…

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Not too long ago, I saw a man propose to his girlfriend. I don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship but what I do know is the marriage proposal wasn’t accepted. After seeing that, the first thing I thought was the relationship had to be over or at least severely damaged and I found myself thinking about what I would do in that situation and honestly, I don’t know how I would cope. Marriage isn’t something light, I feel that it’s something that both people have to be on the same page for otherwise the relationship could get unnecessarily complicated.

Not everyone wants to get married which is ok, but if marriage is something that both people want, then at some point is has to be discussed, right? I can’t imagine marriage being one of those things that a couple takes a chance on because it’s supposedly a big step. I’ve always thought that if a couple get married, then the likelihood is they are both well aware of the intention for the relationship to go in that direction before the proposal is even made. Everybody is different when it comes to the way that they react to being rejected in that situation but I doubt that there’s somebody out there who doesn’t ask questions of the relationship once that happens.

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My soul when I saw the rejection

I know that some people get into relationships for reasons like passing time or avoiding being single and it’s not as if they share that information with their partner but the more you get to know someone, the more your gut feeling will tell you about them.

I’ve heard of marriages still going ahead even after the first few proposals got rejected (just had to read that again… oh boy) and I’m interested in hearing people moved past that. My insecurities would start showing if that happened to me to be honest and I would be asking a lot of questions of myself and the relationship. I feel that it’s hard to accept any justification for the rejection of a marriage proposal without feeling that your partner is hiding something that they don’t want to tell you, whether it is cheating or that you haven’t done a good enough job as a partner to make them feel ready for marriage.

When I saw the marriage proposal get rejected, I felt like the proposal was made on a whim and the man knew what he wanted to hear but he hadn’t discussed the situation with his girlfriend. They definitely weren’t on the same page and I could feel the awkwardness even though I was a few feet away. There’s a chance that the couple are working their way through the situation and might be better off for it but I still can’t help but think about the awkward period that they encountered.

Social media apologies…

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One thing that I see happening a lot are public apologies on social media when someone does something wrong and you know what? I don’t get it. Why do people apologise to social media when they’re guilty of wrongdoing for anything? Doesn’t it only make sense to apologise to social media if what you’ve done has affected the public? If that isn’t the case then what’s the point in saying sorry to the public? Who is the apology meant to touch exactly?

Social media allows for strangers to know the business of other strangers but that doesn’t mean that anybody is entitled to know anyone else’s business. It’s as if the fact that business can made public on social media means that everybody who sees it is involved but if we’re being honest, the majority of spectators on social media are either looking for conflict or entertainment, they really don’t care about what’s happening. A lot of people get put under pressure to give an apology once they’re accused of something but when they eventually cave and give said apology, it still isn’t enough. Even more so, it doesn’t make much sense to allow people who aren’t involved in the situation put pressure on you, the apology is only meaningful if it’s given to those directly and involved and they forgive the action.

I’ve seen so many social media apologies and not one has made any sense to me. I’m going to be honest, if I offend a blogger and their friends get pissed at me then it is what it is, as far as I’m concerned if I apologise, it’s only going to be to the blogger that I offended directly, their friends can enjoy my blogger fingers. Apologies over social media have always seemed fake to me, it looks more like it’s damage control in order to preserve a good reputation rather than apologising to show that you’re deeply ashamed by what you’ve done.

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Blogger fingers!

I’d go as far to say that an apology over social media is a pisstake based off it seeming as if the person apologising values the forgiveness of the public over the ones they offended. No matter how I think about it, a social media apology will never make sense to me, but it seems to be a decent PR tactic.

Perception/validation…

In recent days, I’ve seen some weirdness on social media which has got me thinking about how life just is what it is. The perception that people have of you without having met you can be so unjustified to the point that it’s ridiculous and the worst part of it all is that you can’t do anything to change it for some people. When it comes down to people, they’ll hate you because they want to hate you, they’ll never have a reason for doing so and anything that you do which goes against their perception of you will be disregarded or even worse, twisted in a way to match the perception that said person has of you.

You can’t win with everybody. There are lessons out there that people learn and I love how watching something from the sidelines will reinforce that lesson almost as if it’s a new experience. It’s a shame that people want to think of others in a negative way without actually knowing the person (maybe it’s their aura) but that’s a part of life and that contributes to how mysterious life is. I see why so many people choose to focus on themselves and this is something which screams to me that looking for external validation is dangerous because you never know of the kinds of people that you’re searching for validation from.

Structure

How do you deal with structure? I used to think that I was good at it because I could get up at 6am to go to School and I managed to have very good attendance in college (because I was getting paid). The structure of my days got way worse when I went to university and I was paid before I even stepped into the classroom, and I won’t go into how much I fucked up when I started taking the drugs. My point here is that I can’t structure a day for shit, I could plan to spend a day watching Arrow, Jessica Jones and Nick Cannon’s Wild n’ Out specifically and I’d still procrastinate and not watch those shows.

I’d give anything for my structure to be like this at the moment

The older I get, the more I realise that some people are built for structure and others aren’t and it sucks. Structure is a positive thing, because it helps you have all your affairs in order, it’s not to say that you can’t survive without it but it’s so easy to get to a point where you’re thinking about the things that you should have done throughout the day if you don’t have any structure. I saw a video online where somebody was talking about being creative and they said they go with the flow because structure doesn’t work for them. I want to admire the idea but I just can’t, despite the fact that I struggle with doing things when I’m supposed to, I really feel that I can’t trust the ‘flow’ to help me because what’s to say that I won’t end up on Twitter doing some bullshit.

Life is one of those things that you can’t plan for but in a sense you can, you can micromanage some things to make sure that things look up for you, such as when you study and do well in school. It’s true that life will throw some bullshit at you, followed by some bull and then more shit but I feel like planning ahead is what helps you dust off quickly and continue on your path. The habits that we have once we become a little independent go a long way towards helping us tackle life and if you’re someone who’s structured in the things that you do then I feel you’re in a better position.

The only thing I can say against structure is that it’s boring, if you structure your day then you know what you’re getting. Something may be able to take you by surprise but that’s highly dependent on the time that you step into a situation and the type of situation itself. Even then that’s not a completely bad thing, foresight is a seriously underrated ability.

I’m slowly accepting that structure is not for me and I’m just going to have to find a way to make the best out of it. There are probably loads of people who are extremely successful and just go with the flow, I just don’t know any.

Verified…

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Me looking at people getting verified

At one point, I wanted a blue tick beside my name on Twitter. I used to tweet about it, occasionally telling myself how I would be verified along with all of my friends and all of the great things life has to offer would follow. I don’t know why I thought that being verified was the shit, I just did but somewhere along the line, I learned ‘that ain’t it y’all’ (all credit to Charlamagne the God for that one). A blue tick next to your name isn’t really worth anything, it should be an acknowledgement of the work you’ve done but anyone can apply for one so you have people out there who aren’t really known being verified because they asked.

Clout means a lot these days and whilst it doesn’t mean a lot to everybody, it means a lot to enough people. Blue ticks = clout which is probably part of why so many people get excited when they get that tick by their name. Honestly, I’ve seen a lot of nobodies with the blue tick, nobodies in the sense that when I go to do research on them, I can’t find shit. The weirdest part is that these guys can tweet and get RT’s upon RT’s whilst not actually saying anything of relevance (and they usually have a paypal link in their bio).

I thought that people who were verified were living well, because they had been rewarded with recognition from moving so far forward with their craft but it’s far from. There’s a serious possibility that somebody who is verified is struggling for the things that you casually buy, I mean don’t get it wrong, they’ve got clout right? Clout doesn’t pay the bills. I wish I could say that life took me on a mad journey to realise that this verified stuff is nonsense but honestly people end up revealing themselves. If you pay just a bit of attention, you’ll see that people selling flat tummy teas and promoting jewellery don’t make enough money and aren’t doing anything that truly warrants a blue tick and that’s when the paypal donation requests start becoming common. The way that I see the blue tick, it seems like it’s a brass ring which isn’t worth grabbing.

I still have a lot of respect for those who go for the blue tick, I just hope that most people who get them are getting it as an acknowledgement of their hard work.

 

 

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Me in bed the night I get verified

Live the movie

My mind is always changing, sometimes I just think about only making money and other times I’m thinking about how to make life as fulfilling as possible. I don’t have the answer and when it comes to my life I probably should… I’ll find the answer, hopefully I have the time to do so. I’m in one of my moods where my mind is leading me to thoughts of where life could take me if I just focus on my goals and try to maximise my efforts from it and right now, I’m feeling that everybody should just find their wave and ride it. By that I mean that everybody should look at what makes them happy and go ahead and fulfil themselves that way.

Everybody deserves the right to be happy (except for racists, rapists, paedophiles and people on that level) and that’s something every person can grant themselves. We all have different ideas as to how we can get to the area that we feel we should be at and one of the biggest obstacles to that is ourselves if we’re being completely honest. I definitely feel this way but on top of that, I know it is accessible especially when I see people who are making the stuff I’m writing about happen and there’s only going to be more

Opinions…

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When people see someone thinking differently

Are people allowed to have an opinion these days? The way that social media is set up would have you believe the answer is mostly no. You can only have an opinion as long as it falls in line with that of the majority. Why? How can so many people talk about wanting to be innovators and influencers then start acting like sheep? You can see how that doesn’t make sense, for me it’s a contradiction and it seems like nobody speaks on it because they’re scared of being branded something that loads of other sheep will latch on to.

I know that social media doesn’t represent the majority but it is powerful and there are so many people who form their opinion based off social media. It’s not a crime to think differently from others, that’s what humans are meant to do, that’s what helps us grow (even though it can be destructive) and it helps to set people apart. Acceptance doesn’t work if people are just going to mimic the opinions of those who are popular, if that happens that only fuels the ego of those who find that their opinions are seen as correct by others and what is that supposed to achieve? There are some opinions out there which are shit but the truth is that if a person says something unpopular and they receive abuse for having said opinion, they’re just going to keep the opinion and have it in private and then it seems as if there’s no space to be yourself in life.

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Being stressed from trying to fit in

When it comes to opinions, I always see people demonising others for having a separate opinion especially when it comes to issues of fake outrage. By now, I’m sure we all know what happened with August Ames. She made a comment along the lines of how she’d prefer not to work with a man who has shot gay porn. Everybody has their preferences and you’d think that’s not a big deal however, she received waves of abuse from people for that opinion. We’re now in a time where people are more accepting of the LGBT community but if someone doesn’t want to really be involved with the community, then just exclude them rather than bullying them into having a way of thinking that they don’t want to have because that shit can go far, as it did in that situation. There are certain buzzwords which will get you in trouble but what’s worse is that if you give it three days, everybody stops caring.

Everybody is different, although this super politically correct climate is trying to do its best to convince everybody that we’re all the same, we’re not (unless you’re talking about being human). We all have different experiences, upbringings, influences and other things which help to turn us into our final form and that’s something that seems to be in danger of going out of fashion (publicly). You see how things get when you’re trying to live by ideals that aren’t realistic (lack of a better word), there are opinions that shouldn’t be embraced but for the most part having a different opinion is harmless, if it causes a productive conversation that makes sense but it’s really telling of a person who’s willing to dismiss somebody for thinking differently (unless it’s support for racism, paedophilia, rape and other fucked up things).

 

Money & passion…

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Show me the money

Recently, I’ve been thinking about passion and I can say fuck passion, I want money! I want money now! I want so much money that I won’t want money later on in life! I know that passion is good because of some link that it has to desire and other good qualities which don’t always mean something to me. That’s all I feel that I know about passion, the rest of my knowledge pretty much comes from the fact that it’s supposed to be good for me and it links to the entertainment value (or expectation of entertainment value) for whatever activity my passion is linked to.

Supposedly, money isn’t meant to motivate people, or at the very least it’s not meant to be the core motivation for why somebody wants to do well and I don’t really get it. Money isn’t everything, I understand this because I’ve seen a couple of situations where it’s been made clear to me that money gives you financial freedom and very little else. Despite the fact that I’ve seen those situations, I’m not going to act like money isn’t a necessity. I’m really not about taking a journey in search of a twisted upgraded quality of life that is cash free because I’d be lying to myself.

At some point, I’ve probably blogged about the importance of passion but as I’ve grown older, the idea has become less romanticised. I feel that my thoughts are changing because I just want to live an easy life and one way that is practically guaranteed for me to do so is to have financial freedom. I have a whole life to love stuff and at my age, a special place in my heart has been carved for things such as antagonising people, great customer service and not paying attention to the dreams of others. The thing is that I’m going to get to do those things at all points in my life (with the exception of customer service because… well… retirement) but I can’t say that I’m always going to have the opportunity to make money and live well off it. There’s only so much time before my energy runs out and I can’t prioritise myself.

I wouldn’t be feeling this way if money wasn’t a thing because I’d be too busy fighting some guy at Tesco for the last bag of chicken nuggets (or something along those lines). I’m not about to stray too far from my point though. My passion and desire for money almost go hand in hand at times, I can agree that it’s impossible to take something seriously enough to change your life if you lack the passion for it, however it’s not impossible to do something that will change your life for the better without passion (ask Mario Balotelli). I have these thoughts when I’m getting on with my day and to be honest, the more I think about it, the less appealing things seem to me if they don’t link to monetary gain. I couldn’t imagine receiving a pep talk based on passion, how would it go? “Jeffrey, it’s going to be a lot of hard work! You’re going to get a lot of rejections! People will not understand or support you until you’ve practically made your dream come true! You WILL shed a lot of tears but remember at the end of the day, you love what you do!”

I appreciate some of the sentiments I see in life such as passion over money but I want money (show me a broke person who doesn’t want money and I’ll show you a liar… maybe). Having passion is great but a reward is needed and money is one of if not the best reward. There isn’t a lot in this life that can be afforded to those without money and whilst money doesn’t have to solely drive people, I feel that it’s understandable if it does. If people want to do things purely out of love then salute to them because that thought is tiring. Money makes the world go round (and round) and I feel people should get in on that.