Quick Question time!

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Question time

Let me ask a question, do you allow the negative thoughts that others publicly have of you to motivate you to do better? I know that some people use it as motivation in order to prove the ‘haters’ wrong or maybe it just makes it feel that much sweeter when they’ve done well in the future and the ones who didn’t believe find out. I believe that it’s a good way to rationalise things, changing the negative into positive and pushing further with it but that doesn’t work for me, I have a hard time letting go of things.

I’ve said that I’m petty in the past and the truth is that when somebody is overly negative towards me I think “fuck you and everything that you stand for…Bitch!” Depending on how harsh the words are will depend on how long I hold on to the negativity. I want to do well and I can see why it would count as a way of telling the negative people that they’re wrong but I know that if I succeed because of the negativity then it wouldn’t satisfy me. It’s hard to describe but I’m not the type of person that wants to give someone who was negative towards me the satisfaction of knowing that they contributed to me doing better, I’m more the type of person who wants to achieve things in spite of negativity not because of it.

I feel that those who are negative towards you and don’t believe in you don’t deserve anything from you. Not even your insults, at the same time I know that everyone is responsible for their own lives and the paths that they take.

Not to get too far from the point, let me ask the question again, do you allow the negative thoughts that others publicly have of you to motivate you to do better?

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When you do well in life and the negative ones see you

 

  • I feel like I’ve said torture people with success at some point on this blog, but disregard those words from me

Pressures…

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Under pressure

There are a lot of pressures in life but is it me or are some of these pressures unnecessary? The amount of things that are expected from people doesn’t always make sense to me if I’m being honest. I’ve said before that I feel life is meant to go the way that we want it as long as we put in the work that’s required but with that being said, what I feel is in no way correct (it might not make sense to some). These pressures that we’re meant to come out on top of can really ‘defeat’ us; we all know that not everybody finds a partner, some of those who find partners get married and find that there’s no love, not everybody gets their dream job and not everybody lives into their elderly years having friends.

I’ve always felt that these expectations are silently placed on us and it becomes easy to feel like failures for not achieving these things, even though the possibility of not achieving these expectations is very real. Do I feel that this is fair? That’s something that I feel you know the answer to and now I think about it, it’s not really relevant to the point.

What I want to know is how you deal with the pressures that I mentioned before? I know that thinking about these things for a long time can be trying which ultimately leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Do you reckon that these things even matter as much as they’re made out to? What pressures do you feel are unnecessary? Let me know.

Thoughts on worrying…

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One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I spend a lot of time worrying to myself about loads of things when it comes to my future. So many times the same questions come up, things like where am I going to be? What will I be doing? Who will be around me? It’s normal to be worried about something that you care about since we don’t know the answer to these questions. I’ve heard so many times that worrying isn’t a good thing because it’s not going to get you anywhere which is true. Life goes in whatever direction that it feels like and we don’t get a say in it which pretty much gives us fuel to worry about things because we may be making moves but we don’t know if they’re the right move and there’s never a way to find out (saying right can bring about more questions since that’s subjective as well). I’m someone who likes to feel as if I’m in control of things which is why I may never stop worrying.

I’m not really sure if worrying is all bad; I know that it can be terrible but at the same time it can be utilised positively. A couple of weeks ago I watched a video of somebody who had no idea of what he was going to do with his life, he was worried about what to do because the future that he saw for himself was taken away from him. Eventually he decided to have a go at re-voicing characters from his favourite series just for the fun of it and it ended up working out well for him. I feel like we should worry at times for our own sakes, there were a couple of times where I guess I was worry free because the situation allowed for it but I got too comfortable and it led to me having some regrets. If worries can lead to action being taken, then it may be for the best. I’ve learned time and time again that if you want something done then take action. I don’t think that there’s a problem with being motivated to do better out of fear because sometimes having positive beliefs about where you’re going and pushing your worries to the back of your head can wear and if I’m being honest, it’s not like life is all roses. BAD SHIT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU AT SOME POINT BECAUSE IT LOVES TO DO SO!

This doesn’t mean that I’m fully trying to fully advocate worrying because I don’t want to see blood pressures being raised or find out that someone read this post and ended up having a nervous breakdown, I’m just saying that it’s not a bad thing to care about something. Worrying is a blessing and curse in a way.

I can see why not worrying has its benefits, but I think it’s the small things that will really show why. My worry free days didn’t always lead to regrets, in fact a couple of years ago I heard through the grapevine that I had a reckless attitude and as the rumour would have it, I went to party uninvited, didn’t say happy birthday, helped myself to a piece of cake and gracefully exited (does writing gracefully make it less of a dick move?) was I worried about what happened next? No. Should I have been? That can be debated at another time. At the time I wrote this post, I was at work wearing the wrong uniform (which I promised I would change a few days earlier), was I worried that I straight up lied and will continue to wear the wrong uniform in the future? No! Like I said, the little things shouldn’t worry you.

Me being artsy
Would this guy really steal cake?

Not to get too far from the point of the post, I know that worrying isn’t healthy but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be used to your advantage. I guess it’s really a perspective thing.

Thoughts on Black Lagoon: Roberta’s Blood Trail

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(Possible spoilers)

After watching Black Lagoon, I had to watch Roberta’s Blood Trail and to be honest I should have watched it a lot sooner. I wrote some thoughts on Black Lagoon and the second barrage earlier in the year if you want to check that out as well. The OVA is aptly named to be honest and it follows the lagoon company, mostly Rock and Revy as they help Garcia Lovelace and his maid Fabiola Iglesias search for Roberta when she goes missing after the death of his dad. There’s more to the story than the goose chase as it brings the political nature of Roanapur into the light as well as Rock’s descent into the lifestyle of the city.

The first thing that stuck out to me was how much more story based these episodes were than the previous set of episodes. There was the occasional story arc however they didn’t last very long, not that you’d expect them to, given how many episodes were in each season; I reckon it could have gotten away with being a character of the day type show if it really came down to it. I felt like I craved some character development because Black Lagoon has an interesting cast of characters and Roberta was without doubt one of those characters. I’d be lying if I said that the OVA didn’t deliver on that front because I got to see the side of Roberta that she at all costs didn’t want to reveal to Garcia and I also got to see a different side to Rock. I feel like I should have seen the direction that Rock was going in but I didn’t which made it better.

This group of episodes might have been based on Roberta but I found that I was more interested in Rock’s story and his mindset. I feel like he had a less active role in the OVA as opposed to the series yet the focus never really stopped being on him; he gambled the lives of everybody on what came across as a game of chess (I’m still trying to figure out if it was an ego thing or not. He’s also starting to sound more like Light Yagami every time I read this) and you could see the lack of regard that he had for everybody since he seemed to be desperate to win. Yukio Washimine’s words about Rock really held some weight in this arc, at the start of it I thought that Rock was being the moral compass, especially because he seemed apprehensive when it came to helping as he knew that it wouldn’t end well but that really wasn’t the case. Rock really proved that he’s the guy that stays in the twilight zone between being normal and completely messed up and I thought that there might even be a case to argue that Rock enjoys the lifestyle.

I had no problem with the dark direction of the OVA, I felt like Black Lagoon and the second barrage were dark but it kind of creeped around the fact that it was dark if that makes sense. Since this wasn’t Rock actively comparing the morals of Roanapur to his own, it looked as if there was more leeway to show how dark the series could get. In all honesty I felt that the way these episodes were presented made everything better; I feel like I said that in Black Lagoon it was clear that everybody had skeletons in their closet and if those secrets were going to be explored then it only made sense that the series would go down a darker path. I will say that there were some moments that honestly made me scratch my head, I really didn’t expect to see some things and I tried to ask myself if they held any significance which I’m struggling to figure out; namely when Garcia kissed Roberta and when Garcia watched Roberta dry hump a soldier.

Even though five episodes were dedicated to this story, I still feel like I didn’t see enough episodes (or at least they could have made the episodes an hour). One thing that I’ve accepted about Black Lagoon is that it leaves me wanting more, luckily it’s coming back from hiatus so I’m looking forward to seeing the anime come back eventually and seeing the direction that Rock and Revy’s relationship goes after what Fabiola said.

Other thoughts:

  • A couple of the rebellious types I see on social media would like Roberta
  • When the series comes back I want to see more of a story involving Benny and Dutch
  • I wish they didn’t remix the opening theme song

Music feels again

Can you believe that sometimes I think of ways to start off my blog posts so that when people read them, they think “WOW! How did Jeffrey come up with this one?” unfortunately life doesn’t go that way so pretty much every time that I write a post, I ramble (some maybe/hopefully insightful things) for a little bit which makes up the word count but never really gets to the point. I’m doing the same thing now but if you’ve read through this then this post might just be doing its job.

This time around, I’m going to say it straight! I’m feeling myself for this song choice (I’m not feeling myself a bit too much, otherwise I might as well just top myself off… I’ve met people like that and they suck), if I can get you to understand why I’m feeling myself for this song choice then it might seem a bit reasonable but at the very least, you know. The song that’s responsible for all of this is ‘Deep Fried Frenz’ by MF DOOM and this song just makes me feel like a fucking genius; maybe not like a genius but it does make me feel smart in the sense of understanding lyrics.

MF DOOM talks about crappy friends in all of their shit stained glory on this song, which admittedly I don’t feel like I can relate to because every terrible person I’ve met has been ret-conned out of existence. I can always appreciate a DOOM song because one, they sound good and two, he’s what some might call a rapper’s rapper; if you listen to any of his songs it’s easy to understand this because he’s arguably one of the most lyrically gifted rappers out there. I still haven’t really explained why I feel smart listening to a MF DOOM song which I probably should have by now but anyway, the reason I feel this way is because his lyrics aren’t very easy to understand and honestly when it comes to understanding lyrics, most of the time I’m a fucking idiot. Going back, it doesn’t really make much sense that I said DOOM is very lyrically gifted if I’m not good at understanding lyrics but you know what? I’m feeling good writing this so I’m not allowed to make sense.

Personally I feel that if you take in loads of MF DOOM songs and fully understand what he’s saying then you’ve definitely got a higher understanding of lyrics and it probably makes more appealing to the purists out there.