Ever been in a situation where look around and you realise that you just have so much kind of hatred for everything around you? I’ve been going through this and in a weird way I’m grateful because it’s slowly teaching me what is for me and what isn’t. If I’m completely honest, it’s almost as if the kind of hatred has naturally taken over; I never felt it creeping up or anything, just one day I went to work and looked at my surroundings only to realise that I don’t care for it at all. Maybe don’t care isn’t the right way to explain it because I’m a little bothered and that’s because I’m bored.
I feel like the opposite of Future because I have to put a (metaphorical) mask on. The weirdest thing in all of this is that what I’m talking about may seem really negative but I promise it’s not. I just like the feelings and the situations that give us time to reflect on what’s happening around us because I feel that in those moments we can think of a 1000 things that we’d rather be doing and at least one of those 1000 things is something that we can do and go after.
I wouldn’t exactly wish for anybody to be in a situation where they’re bored or unhappy but I do feel like those feelings in a working environment are a type of pressure. When you realise that you don’t want to be in the situation that you’re in, there’s always a choice which is either to crumble under the self inflicted pressure and let life take you wherever it pleases, or not to crumble under it and find something else to give yourself more of a purpose. It’s a shame things are like that (or I could just be rationalising things wrong) because people aren’t inclined to care about your feelings or your situation given that they’ve got their own battles to fight.
When I’m in this kind of mood, it makes me realise why people really appreciate drinking after work and weekends. It’s a well deserved rest, not just from the pressures of work but from yourself in a way.
One thing that I haven’t out and out stated is that when it comes down to it, you’ll realise that there’s always more to be achieved. It’s great to sit down and reflect on where you are but no matter what you’ve achieved, you’re capable of doing more and I reckon that having negative feelings might be a way of telling yourself that you need to try. It makes wonder how I’d feel if I looked at the situation that I’m and I felt as if everything was ok.