This may (will) be me just doing some rambling if I’m honest with you but I can say that I appreciate you reading this rambling. In my last post, I wrote about dreams and why people don’t like to talk about them, then I started thinking about it during the night, especially my time doing work experience which helped me to think of this post. I’m somebody that gives a fair amount of thought to the future, I don’t know what’s going to happen in it, only that the decisions that I make in the present will shape it some way, I also feel that I’m at a point in my life where I can get away with making mistakes which may be part of why I think about following dreams (the drugs may have had an effect too).
I regularly think about people who have made a lot out of very little and that always serves as a reminder that a lot of things (if not anything) are possible. Some people honestly live a lifestyle where they wake up and are already making a lot of money and they know that they don’t have to do much during the day because they’re reaping the rewards from risks that were taken at an earlier point in life and this is the point that I want to get to. Everybody is different, some people want to work in an office, others want to drive but as long as it’s making you happy that’s the main point.
Last year around this time, I started doing some work experience which lasted eight weeks; before I started my work experience, part of me thought that I wouldn’t mind working in that kind of environment because I got to sit down all day at a computer, check social media and write stuff up on Microsoft Word but it didn’t take very long before I started feeling as if I was wasting my time. I’d look out of the window midday truly believing that I could be doing something better with my time. I also paid attention to the kind of conversations that the people around me were having and it really seemed as if they didn’t enjoy what they were doing, they were always happy to talk about getting an extra half hour in bed or having an extra day off but seemed to quickly lose energy when actually working.
The one thing that I heard so often was ‘you just get used to it’ and it wasn’t only from work, it was from family as well. There was never anything said about it enjoying it, just accepting that life can get like this and whatever boundary it sets for you, you have to make the most out of. I never felt as if I could connect to that way of thinking, people looked so apathetic towards life and tired (after being in such a situation for so long I can only imagine how it affects the confidence required to quit and start afresh on something else) and I feel that it was a result of that.
I feel that a lot of things that we do in life are done because we’re told to do them and when I see what it can lead to, it scares me. Having to hear conversations about people being in debt (not to say that shit won’t happen if you follow your dreams), feeling as if there’s a time limit for you to do things even though it really is a matter of perspective as well as other things really doesn’t sit well with me deep down and they never will. It doesn’t sit well with me because whilst it’s accepted in the present, I feel like it will lead to a lot of regret, and it’s very hard to recover from that; knowing my own experience with regret which saw me sat still at times asking myself why shit went wrong over something which was relatively minor has already served as a warning to me not to actively add to that list.
I know that not everybody gets their dream scenario, if they did then I doubt that I’d be having these kind of thoughts. I still reckon that trying is better than having a thought with great potential and leaving it because there’s always something to be learned from these decisions. I’ve heard that if you try to do something with yourself and you fail then you’ve wasted time but I honestly do believe that you’ll be further ahead in terms of achieving your goals and you’ll never go back to square one. Everybody is different so it’s up to them how they do things but for myself, given the situation that I’m in now, how I view 9-5 jobs and my work experience I feel as if I’ve got to try and make something big for myself.