Criticism…

A while back, I posted something about appreciating criticism. I can’t exactly remember what I said in the post but I’m willing to bet that it was along the lines of criticism helps us to be better as humans. I’m not going take back my words and say that shit was wrong but I can admit that I’ve been dealing with some of the negative effects of criticism (because my skin is baby soft), criticism is great when it’s constructive but when it’s not it’s crazy how that shit can linger.

When I wrote the post, I was trying to have a positive outlook on things even though my mindset wasn’t quite there and that’s probably why I put such a positive spin on criticism. I feel like I also said that people who only criticise have to be appreciated so I take back part of my earlier statement in this blog post and the statement in that blog post too (after I said I wasn’t taking back my words). One thing about me is that when I’ve been criticised and I’ve felt that it’s unfair I’ve never really spoken out about it, I always just hold it in and think “well fuck you too!” which isn’t good because people can get things off their chest but I’m always just left there with the things that have been said.

Let me give this some context now. When I was finishing university, I thought since I was going to take a step into the working world, I might as well do what I can to become a better person so I decided to ask the people around me what they thought I could do to become a better person (pretty much what they saw when they look at me). The first person I asked, was so confident in his answer that he said and I quote ‘everybody will agree with me when I say this’, he then went on to bring out several flaws in my character which is fair but looking at what he said, it was pretty much the same shit that he’d been saying to me over the past three years I had been at university. The person I’m referring to was intent on turning me into him and to be honest I don’t know if it frustrated him that I didn’t want to be anything like him but what I noticed is that he was criticising me for not being him (nobody agreed with him).

I probably said in my other post that you should never call people like that friends or that you should drop them as soon as you notice this trait. I didn’t really say anything but the truth is that it irked the shit out of me, one of the main reasons being that there was nothing constructive said and it was pretty much this person trying to drill home that I was failure, something that he made very clear that he believed.

I’m like a lot of people, I don’t like being criticised. I don’t get enjoyment from hearing negative shit, the power of words is underestimated because somebody just has to say the right (or wrong) combination of words to really get under your skin. It’s up to you how to take criticism but I don’t think it’s something that you can fully be positive about. For me the comments annoyed me and had me thinking a number of things that were of no benefit, the worst part being that I didn’t even think his criticisms rang true. I’d be lying if I said that I found a way to deal with it and I’d also be lying if I said that it didn’t stop my productivity.

Criticism can be taken with a pinch of salt but some people are there to just try and break you down, they’ll try to disguise it as being real but really it’s not that. I doubt that the negative feeling will linger and I haven’t even gone into the specifics of it but what I’m saying here is that if somebody is criticising you, you really have to pay attention to the criticism and the kind of person who’s doing it, unfortunately the words towards me came from somebody who only ever says positive things about himself and looks down on the world so I should have seen it coming. People will have their views but when you know it’s not true, make it clear otherwise you could end up in a mindstate which impacts your confidence and even worse YOUR BLOG! (true story).

Another thing, if somebody has done that then make sure to torture them with success. It took a while but I learnt that people can’t tell me how to be better, I have to work on what I see as weaknesses because I know myself better than anyone.

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Chronicles of no laptop 3?

I had a dream the other night, it was so glorious! I felt like there was a light, a really intense light (not like one of those ones in the born again Christian stories where people see God but more one of those lights where I cautiously say to somebody, “what kind of batteries are powering this light?”) and for whatever reason I was in a field, then a party then a whole bunch of other random places (Trafalgar square comes to mind) which really had nothing to do with anything.

I felt like I was trying to find something, or maybe something was trying to find its way to me and as glorious as this dream was it was very fucking confusing. Let’s back up a bit and I’ll throw this at you, how do you find something when you’re going places that have no correlation and you have no idea of what’s going on? It doesn’t make any sense does it? But then again it felt like this dream of mine was oddly making sense.

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Me reading the question I just asked

Now what followed was pitch darkness and it wasn’t scary, maybe it’s because I felt like I was going to be alright (word to Kendrick Lamar and Pharrell). I didn’t say any words, in fact I didn’t even move, I stood still and I don’t know why but I just knew that it was the right thing to do at the time. There was legitimately no feeling, it wasn’t cold or anything, it actually seemed as if the darkness was there just as a background for the sake of having a background. I guess having some kind of ominous background is always cool, even if it doesn’t contribute to the situation but like all other things in this dream of mine not making sense was normal (A paragraph after I said this dream was making sense, I can’t decide).

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WHY CAN’T I DECIDE!!!

For whatever reason, the light appeared once again, maybe this is what I was trying to find (or what was trying to find me) but would it make sense that a light was trying to find me when it already shone on me? If I was trying to find the light then why was I standing still all entitled and shit? So many questions and absolutely no answers. The light was so dim, it was as if somebody was slowly pushing open a door and then they just stopped. All I did was stare at the light, or maybe I was just looking up and the light happened to be in the direction that I was looking in, either way the light was there and it was in my eyes.

Where is this going you might ask? (You shouldn’t really be asking because the title of the post gave it away) The light was my laptop because I finally got it back!!!

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How you may or may not have reacted to yet another laptop post

I promise no more chronicles from this point on.

 

Quick question no. 6

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The face she’ll probably make when her partner’s friend has told her

I saw someone make a bold statement on Twitter not too long ago which made me think whoa! Truth be told, it made me think more than just that but I won’t get too into the specifics of it. Anyway, since I saw the statement and I like asking questions, I thought I might as well throw this question out to the good people of wordpress.

If you had a friend that was cheating on their partner would you tell their partner? Personally I wouldn’t. I just couldn’t find it in myself to do that, although that doesn’t mean to say that I’m happy to watch my friend cheat, I can’t let that slide either. For me, loyalty is important in a friendship, I can’t be going behind my friend’s back to tell their partner of what’s happening (unless the partner is also my friend). Everybody is different but my assumption is that if you were to go your friend’s partner to tell them that your friend had been cheating, it would mean that you don’t really hold the friendship in such a high regard or you’re after their partner.

It’s something that I imagine like this; you’ve been friends with somebody for a number of years, so you two have been through some rough shit, shared secrets and all sorts. What I’m saying here is that a bond has developed and the bond must mean something. If you’re willing to throw that away rather than looking an alternative then the bond has to be questioned.

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What my friend would probably do if they found out I told their partner

I’d tell my friend that they need to fix up and get their shit together. In this kind of situation, I reckon it’s always important to talk to your friend and let them know that they’re fucking up or give them the stern look of disapproval whenever they tell you about their antics. When I see stuff like that, I’m usually the guy who hopes that if things don’t change then the partner will wise up at some point and leave (or that my friend gets caught in the act). We all know that cheating isn’t good and it might even be arguable that you shouldn’t be friends with people who do that (I wouldn’t argue that though), I feel that some people don’t really know how to weigh up pros and cons which is why they find themselves doing that and it’s also why people need other people in their lives to set them straight.

If I was in a position where I was being cheated on and my partner’s friend told me, I’d be surprised. I’d definitely owe that person one but generally in that situation I don’t expect loyalty which I feel is fair to say.

Anyway, what would be your response in this situation?

Yet some more music feels

Have you ever listened to a tune so good that when it comes on and you hear the first three seconds you stop it and put it on repeat whilst whispering to yourself “fuck off”? (because doing it loudly on public transport isn’t a good idea). This is how I feel whenever I listen to ‘Killing Moon’ from the Street fighter 3: Third Strike OST. If I’m honest, the game itself has a great OST which is part of why in my opinion people should consider music from games if they’re ever looking for anything new to listen to.

I can tell you this, I’ve never been so gassed (hyped up) by a set of drums ever in my life. This might be my favourite video game song ever (until I hear something better). Whenever I hear this song I just want to close my eyes and say ‘oh my days!’ but most of time that I hear it, I’m travelling so that doesn’t let me do it but quietly appreciating the song is also good. To listen to a song and feel amped isn’t anything new, there are a few songs that do that for me but back to the super important question at the beginning of the post, does it make you repeat it and whisper “fuck off”?

PES 2017 has taught me

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Since getting a PS4, I’ve been hooked on Pro Evolution Soccer 2017. I’ve been playing it on my days off work, on my work days before and after. I’m pretty sure that I’ve ignored a lot attempts that my brother has made at starting a conversation with me but in my defence the game is fucking annoying! My silver rule for football games is not to multitask whilst playing (If you’re wondering about the golden rule, it’s to never pause the game whilst the opponent is on a counterattack… I do this anyway because sometimes I’ve got to be a scumbag to win).

The thing about Pro Evolution Soccer is that it’s reminded me about the kind of person I am when I play football games. I can’t say that I’m the best kind of person when playing these games, I get so easily frustrated and this dark power comes over me which makes me restart matches because I’m sure that the AI has bribed the ref to make sure that I don’t win. AI’s got to look out for AI, am I right?

Don’t get me wrong, I like the game but I end up saying “THIS IS BULLSHIT!”, “FUCK THIS!” and “Oh my God!” a lot. It’s a learning experience in a way but I’m going to be honest, I have no intention of looking deep down and accepting that I was bested on the day, if anything I might have to make a couple of YouTube videos showing what I mean. Speaking of YouTube videos, I’d say that this guy is kind of like me when it comes losing games only that I wouldn’t throw abuse at other players.

Thoughts on Black Lagoon (and the second barrage)

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This was going to be a quick thoughts post but I just kept on writing…

After a long while, I’m back with one of my quick thoughts; if I’m honest, I was slacking when it came to anime which isn’t a good look. I have no idea why either, I looked at the manga and anime section of this blog to see when the last time I wrote up some thoughts and it’s been a year. This year I’m going to try not to slack (as much) and with that being said let’s actually get to the point of this post.

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My inner self telling me to watch some anime

So as the name of the post tells you, I’ve been watching Black Lagoon. This is something that I wish I watched earlier (at least I got there in the end right?). The series is about the lagoon company which is made up of Rokuro Okajima (Rock), Revy, Dutch and Benny who are a group of pirates that take on missions from various clients and always end up getting into some crazy shit. The crazy shit as I’ve decided to name it is pretty much a result of the fact that they live in a crime infested city called Roanapur which also houses a lot of scumbags.

When I watched this I didn’t know what to expect, I just knew that it was highly rated but after watching a couple of episodes the first thing that came to mind was the action. If I had to guess, I’d say that the action was the main draw of the series and I can see why, it’s just so in your face with guns, guns and more guns (this shit is actually cool when you watch it). It pretty much got to a point where I’d watch an episode asking myself, how and when is it all going to kick off and it felt like the episodes were moving a lot faster when the action scenes were on screen. Outside of the action, I liked the characters but at the same time I feel like there could have been more done to explore the characters.

Don’t get me wrong, the characters are interesting without the exposition but at the same time I always like to know a decent amount of background information about the characters in question because that’s what really gets me invested. I’ll say this, I felt that all of the characters were captured well, due to the fact that Rock is the moral compass in the series; he’s the only one that has morals whilst everybody else has thrown theirs away. What’s interesting about this is that it seems like everybody else wants to have some kind of a conscience but they just can’t find a reason to because the world has messed them up that badly.

Something that caught me off guard was the portrayal of the female characters. I was really impressed with all of them because when I watch anime I’m used to seeing female characters that have abilities but are ultimately useless. For me the change was refreshing to see, as some of the most intimidating characters were female and on top of that they were actually good at what they did which is something that I’d love to see more of (at the same time it might just be that I’m watching the wrong anime). For me it’s rare that I see a female character portrayed like she’s terminator or I see a group rely on one the way that the lagoon company relied on Revy.

One of my favourite scenes:

It’s a shame that Black Lagoon was the length that it was because everybody clearly has skeletons in the closet that haven’t been cleared out. When watching the two seasons I liked the first season’s focus on the lagoon company and what they were getting into, I’d even say that the most interesting scenario in the series happened in the first season (I won’t spoil of course). The main cast of characters is probably the reason why I really liked the first season, I felt like some of the scenes were manufactured to bring out the best in the main cast which is something I’ve never said for any anime or show in general. The second season wasn’t bad, I could see that the series wanted to bring more of a focus to the other characters and it did reveal a little bit of information which once again I wish they would have gone into more detail on. The thing is that given the amount of secondary characters that there are and the length of the series there wasn’t enough time to focus on them.

The series is deeper than the action that it shows and I’m going to admit, it flew over my head. There are a few instances which involve Rock and other characters comment on his morals and the life that they live in comparison to Rock. When watching those scenes I had to watch them all over again I could only come to one conclusion which was that Rock can’t really take such a moral high ground which was interesting to me (I can’t be sure if this was the conclusion that I was meant to get or if it’s open to interpretation). This is another reason that I wish that there was more exposition in the series and that the length was longer.

Other thoughts: Usually I like to watch anime where the story moves along and then you get the big climax but after watching this and a couple of others, I can see that my tastes are slowly developing. I think I could have possibly packed some of the stuff I wrote about into this section but, you’ve read up to here so there’s not much point now. Roanapur is the most fucked up city I’ve seen in anime so far.

It’s 2017.

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Even though it’s five days in, I want to wish everybody a happy and successful new year. Hopefully this year will be better than 2016 which handed L’s to everybody left, right and centre (especially for Orlando Brown and Soulja Boy). I think the shitness of 2016 was a little overemphasised, although I can’t forgive it for taking people like Muhammad Ali and Johan Cruyff whilst leaving Katie H… Nevermind. I can’t lie, I’ve got a good feeling about this year even though I don’t know what’s going to happen.

In terms of making things happen, I’d definitely like to interact with more blogs and make more blogger friends because it’s interesting to see the things that others write up and to be honest I spend more time reading blogs then I do writing posts. Hopefully I’ll give some love to other sections of this blog (I’m looking at my education, sports and games sections furiously) although I’m not sure how I’ll do it. Hopefully there will be more success this year than 2016 which admittedly was my most successful year to date and hopefully this blog puts me in a position to carry out bigger things.

I can’t keep talking about me though. This blog had a hell of a lot more views and interactions last year than it did in 2015, I think my One-Punch Man and success posts were the most viewed and my look at Twitter and WordPress had the most interactions (I should know this given that there is a stats page). Thanks to everybody who interacted with this blog and let me know that my posts aren’t just vanishing into cyberspace and even giving me a reason to write when I didn’t feel like it. It honestly does mean a lot me to know that with all of the time that you have, you still manage to take some time out to read what I have to write. If I could write a song about how great you are and all the success I want for you then I would but instead, I’ll give you a spud/high five (or a hug through the screen if you want one, I’m not great at thinking of gifts).

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Spud/fist bump of success
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High five of success

It looks as if people who have read my posts have followed me through the weirdness and if I’m honest I’ll probably get weirder as I get more comfortable blogging. Before I go off on a tangent (stream of consciousness as Kanye calls it) let me just once again wish you happiness and success.