A while back, I posted something about appreciating criticism. I can’t exactly remember what I said in the post but I’m willing to bet that it was along the lines of criticism helps us to be better as humans. I’m not going take back my words and say that shit was wrong but I can admit that I’ve been dealing with some of the negative effects of criticism (because my skin is baby soft), criticism is great when it’s constructive but when it’s not it’s crazy how that shit can linger.
When I wrote the post, I was trying to have a positive outlook on things even though my mindset wasn’t quite there and that’s probably why I put such a positive spin on criticism. I feel like I also said that people who only criticise have to be appreciated so I take back part of my earlier statement in this blog post and the statement in that blog post too (after I said I wasn’t taking back my words). One thing about me is that when I’ve been criticised and I’ve felt that it’s unfair I’ve never really spoken out about it, I always just hold it in and think “well fuck you too!” which isn’t good because people can get things off their chest but I’m always just left there with the things that have been said.
Let me give this some context now. When I was finishing university, I thought since I was going to take a step into the working world, I might as well do what I can to become a better person so I decided to ask the people around me what they thought I could do to become a better person (pretty much what they saw when they look at me). The first person I asked, was so confident in his answer that he said and I quote ‘everybody will agree with me when I say this’, he then went on to bring out several flaws in my character which is fair but looking at what he said, it was pretty much the same shit that he’d been saying to me over the past three years I had been at university. The person I’m referring to was intent on turning me into him and to be honest I don’t know if it frustrated him that I didn’t want to be anything like him but what I noticed is that he was criticising me for not being him (nobody agreed with him).
I probably said in my other post that you should never call people like that friends or that you should drop them as soon as you notice this trait. I didn’t really say anything but the truth is that it irked the shit out of me, one of the main reasons being that there was nothing constructive said and it was pretty much this person trying to drill home that I was failure, something that he made very clear that he believed.
I’m like a lot of people, I don’t like being criticised. I don’t get enjoyment from hearing negative shit, the power of words is underestimated because somebody just has to say the right (or wrong) combination of words to really get under your skin. It’s up to you how to take criticism but I don’t think it’s something that you can fully be positive about. For me the comments annoyed me and had me thinking a number of things that were of no benefit, the worst part being that I didn’t even think his criticisms rang true. I’d be lying if I said that I found a way to deal with it and I’d also be lying if I said that it didn’t stop my productivity.
Criticism can be taken with a pinch of salt but some people are there to just try and break you down, they’ll try to disguise it as being real but really it’s not that. I doubt that the negative feeling will linger and I haven’t even gone into the specifics of it but what I’m saying here is that if somebody is criticising you, you really have to pay attention to the criticism and the kind of person who’s doing it, unfortunately the words towards me came from somebody who only ever says positive things about himself and looks down on the world so I should have seen it coming. People will have their views but when you know it’s not true, make it clear otherwise you could end up in a mindstate which impacts your confidence and even worse YOUR BLOG! (true story).
Another thing, if somebody has done that then make sure to torture them with success. It took a while but I learnt that people can’t tell me how to be better, I have to work on what I see as weaknesses because I know myself better than anyone.