Chronicles of a lazy guy


You know when you’re just so lazy at times, or to put it better when you’re just always lazy but the laziness is just completely stupid. I mean in the sense that you’re always tired even though the most exercise you do is scheming on new ways to do nothing all day. I’m still a guy who promotes being lazy but at times it can be something else completely (I really can’t describe it) but anyway I thought I’d tell some lazy stories.

Me being artsy
Let me get my mug whilst I tell you a story

So we have a lazy guy, let’s call him John. John agreed to meet up with a friend (you can decide what the name of the friend is) on a Sunday and this meeting was agreed two Sundays before, so John’s clearly got plenty of time to prepare himself (not that it requires any preparation), anyway John goes about his life doing the things you’d expect, whatsapping friends, going out to appointments, just general John things. The thing about John is that everything he’s done has been done with such little effort so in all honesty meeting up with his friend is definitely something that isn’t strenuous on him in any way whatsoever. The Sunday draws closer and thanks to John’s laziness he somehow feels increasingly tired with every day that passes. John literally spends the days leading up to Sunday in a sofa, laying horizontally, pretty much falling asleep at any time possible to (Lord knows why) and when the day comes, John gets a phone call from his multi-named friend. John, being John sleeps through the call and misses the appointment and somehow spends the rest of that Sunday being tired.

John enjoyed his sleep though

Let me tell you another story. We’re going to name this guy John (again), John wanted to get a haircut because without a haircut it’s really hard to look good and the barber shop is only a few minutes away from John’s house. Since John is lazy, he typically spent the day lounging about in bed, he checked on the internet to see the time that the barber shop closed and it was 5pm. 5pm is late enough right? At that point in time, your day has definitely started and is close to winding down since it’s the later hours in the afternoon. John hadn’t started his day yet, as I said before, John had spent the day in bed literally doing nothing; in fact at 3pm John said ‘meh, I’ve got time.’ John is a funny guy because not only is he lazy, he also does things in slow motion so something that would take about 10 or 20 minutes takes John an hour to do. This doesn’t mean that John started getting ready at three because John is a guy who doesn’t really like to pay attention to his strengths and weaknesses, John is a guy who feels like if he does something at one point and fails then the result will be better the next time. Now with all of that being said, John sees that the shop is closing in an hour and you’d think that this is where he decides to get ready but nope. John sighs and says ‘fuck it… I’ll go tomorrow’ I mean given that John takes an hour to get ready that was probably a smart move but the only thing is that the next day that he went to the barbershop, it was a Saturday which meant that it was packed the fuck out so basically John held a huge L.

This is how the barber shop might as well been

I’ll tell one last story today. Let’s not call this character John, let’s call him Jon instead, all you need to know about Jon is that he’s lazy (you could have probably guessed that) and he tries to stay still as long as he can especially on Sundays. Now Jon has spent the whole day doing nothing, even being too lazy to speak (I know). It’s weird because Jon is so lazy that he can’t even describe how lazy he’s been.

Also John and Jon are both me.


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