You know what? I sit down in my room as well as any other place that I can get to myself and I start thinking about life, not the deep mysteries of life like who created us (that’s a blog post for another time) but how we as humans are. The way that we’re so willing to be our own worst enemies when there are already people out there looking to bring us down. The way that we’re constantly paying attention to and looking for the negative in a situation when we have no reason to. I’m always wondering why we possess negative traits and why they have so much influence over who we are and how others see it.
Personally I’ve had enough of all of that. I can’t say that I’m someone who doesn’t suffer from these things. In fact I suffer from these things massively and it gets to me so much which is a huge factor in why I’ve had enough. I think things like insecurities, worry, fears and other bad things are always going to be with us because it’s part of what makes us human but we do have a choice in how much it affects us. Every day I feel like I understand it more and more but at the same time, I know that I’m not mastering it.
I’ll give you an example, I sometimes wake up with nothing running through my mind and immediately a wave of negative thoughts, regrets and words from shit people hit me. The thing is that they hit my mind furiously and it literally stops me from moving forward with my day. I’ll spend hours with a solemn look on my face telling myself how things should be, rather than accepting things for how they are despite knowing that this shouldn’t be a part of my thought process.
Usually, I feel like thinking about these thoughts and even sometimes referring to them in my blog posts or social media will help clear my mind of them but it’s only a temporary cure. I personally hate these feelings and now I feel like I need to force a change in order to see a change so here goes.
I’ve had enough of feeling sorry for myself because it’s an easy option, I’ve had enough of being truly bothered by shit words from shit people, I’ve had enough of not doing enough to justify having the goals I have, I’ve had enough of focusing on negative aspects of my life, I’ve had enough of defining myself (and shit people defining me) by what I have and haven’t done rather than by who I am, I’ve had enough of not stepping forward. Generally I’ve had enough of too much self inflicted bullshit as a result of a lack of belief, or bullshit that’s come from another source.
If all things were right then humans wouldn’t have negative traits but all things aren’t right and in all honesty, there should never be time to hold negative feelings because, we always come across new things and holding onto that stuff doesn’t allow the newer things to have the right impact.
I’ve seen stories where so many people overcome issues because they knew that the things that bothered them weren’t important and didn’t have a place in their lives and you know what I want to be next. Within the next FIVE years, I’m going to be exactly where I want to be with all of my goals, one of those goals being that you’ll be able to google my name, get a Wikipedia style description of me (not written by me) and see every project that I’ve done up until that point! I’m making that declaration now and if you want, you can hold me to that as well.
I think this post has been more selfish then the things I usually write, but I really wanted to get this out. Thanks for reading 🙂